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I decided to have chili 4 breakfast

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Why?

Here are just a few questions…..

Why am I sitting here wasting time when I could be making breakfast?
Why do I want to go out for breakfast so bad?
Why am I looking at my “66” days left until pictures countdown clock and feeling guilty?
Why am I doing this?
Will I be able to take this weight off and keep it off?
Why am I worried about my weigh-in tomorrow?
Why do I have water sitting in front of me but refuse to touch it?
Why do I want chili for breakfast now? (random, I know)
Why do I keep coming up with more questions so I I am wasting time eating breakfast?
Why am I so obsessed with the scale?

I don’t know what’s going on. I wanted to be down to 125lbs by picture day. I’m at about 161lbs right now. I have a little over 2 months…my new goal is to be the best me that I can be at that time…to have confidence and be happy. This is all I want to do.

Off topic a bit…I think i’m going to have chili this morning. It’s a healthy version so I’m ok with it. I love chili…it seems a little silly to be having it in 90 degree weather..but who ever said I was normal 😉

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Yum!

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This is me on my way home from the gym this morning. See how red my face is?

letting go

Its a hard thing to do….trying to let myself be open enough to let someone tell me that they know whats best and I don’t. Where is my control? Well, to tell you the truth I lost control when I went from 115lbs to 189lbs. I lost control..nobody made me lose it but myself.

I never had a weight problem growing up. I did not gain weight after I had my daughter. My real weight gain started when I was about 25. I went from a job working in a warehouse lifting and walking a lot to a desk job. Some people who have a desk job can get up through the day take “extra” steps blah, blah, blah. Not me, I answer phones all day. I take care of tech support for a cell phone company….mostly blackberries…long calls…constant calls. Work times us on everything…I have a headset that is like a dog leash holding me to my desk….it’s crazy. The weight just came on…it seems like it was fast but I guess it was over time.

I have been trying to make the lifelong changes that I know need to be made but its harder that I thought it may be. I read many blogs at the start of the year and a lot of the blogs I came across talked about Tony DiCostanzo. Who is this person I keep hearing about? I did some research and decided that the program was what I was looking for. Eating plan, workout plan, and help when I need it via phone, email, text or the support of other people from blogs that are working the same program. We may have different goals but we all have a goal…a dream.

I started with Tony in February. I worked the program “my way” with a little of “Tony’s” way mixed in there. I would do good one week then gain…then stay the same and on and on until the end of May.

So, for about a month now I have been a good girl. Doing things “Tony’s way” and guess what? I am doing it. I am 162lbs now. I feel better about myself. People I work with notice the changes. I have a cookbook on my computer with my “Tony Approved” recipe ideas.

I start to hear Tony during my workouts or when I go shopping at the grocery store…even when I make my cooler for work. I think…what would Tony say if he saw what I am packing? What would he think of me trying to cut out on my workout early?

He also seems to know when I need to hear from him. I don’t know how…I can be fine for 2 weeks and then he will send me a text to see how my week is going and at the time I need his extra push. It’s just like he knows.

I am not one to think that your mind really plays a part in weight loss…I don’t know why I would think like that but guess what? It really does. Once I opened up to say “yes, maybe somebody does know better than I do” I see it working now.

I have a goal to meet by September 3rd. I have a little over 2 months to go and I plan on giving it my all. I have several goals but September is my first one. I hope to make everyone including myself proud of what I can accomplish when I put my “mind” to it.

Breakfast

Spicy eggs 😉

4th meal